You’re right, kids, it’s not fair. It’s not fair that you had to come upstairs because the two of you were fighting, even though you didn’t start it and were playing like an angel. It’s not fair that it’s raining and Mommy has to do laundry and clean the house, so you were stuck inside with minimal stimulation. It’s not fair that you’re not allowed to touch my boobs anymore, but you’re not, so please stop doing it in public where other moms will judge me. It’s not fair that your birthdays are in August, so you don’t get to have real birthday parties at school. And it’s not fair that you will always have to share a birthday with your twin. It’s not fair that Mommy can take Melatonin to help with chronic insomnia but I just tell you to be quiet and go to sleep, when deep down I know you have the same problem I do. It’s not fair that Mommy “randomly” becomes Mean Mommy once a month. It’s not fair that I find one of your voices more annoying than the other, so I am snippier with you than with your twin. It’s not fair that one of you gets hand-me-downs and the other gets new stuff. It’s not fair that one of you got my sensitive reactive skin and the other got my congenitally missing teeth. It’s not fair that we live so far from half of your extended family. It’s not fair that you don’t get to hang out very often with Mommy and Daddy by yourself without that other kid around.
It’s not fair. Life is not fair. So please get over it and stop making that horrible sound with your vocal cords. Thanks. Love, Mom