Monday, September 24, 2012

What are you going to do now?

Now that my kids are in kindergarten, lots of people are asking me what comes next for me.  Here’s a note for everyone, please don’t ask.  I don’t know and it makes me want to barf to think about it.  I am still just missing the kids and adjusting.  I’ve been out of the job market for five years.  I don’t want to do what I was doing before, but I don’t know what I want to do next.  I don’t want to think about it or talk about it.  At all.  But since complete strangers ask me, I can’t really rely on my blog to reach everyone. So, here are some of the things I might say:

What I say: “Well, it will take me six months just to clean the house.”
Translation: “I’m going to pick up a few toys, stick-vac up the crumbs under the table, swish the toilet brush around once or twice, and then spray some lemon-scented pine sol around the house so it smells like I cleaned.”

What I say: “I’m going to work on my writing.”
Translation: “I’m going to read some more blogs, screw around a lot on facebook, and maybe do NaNoWriMo again.”

What I say: “You know, they say the kids need you even more after they start school.”
Translation: “I am cultivating a mild Pinterest addiction.”

What I say: “I’m thinking about going back to work.”
Translation: “I went on craigslist once.  Didn’t see anything good.”

What I say: “Maybe I’ll have another baby.”
Translation: “You have clearly never met me because if you had, you would know that there is no way in hell I am having another baby.  Apparently, I pop those suckers out two at a time, and I do NOT need to go through the twin infants phase of life again.  Also, my husband would kill me.  I just don’t want to get a job, and that would be a socially acceptable way for me to get away with that.”

What I say: “I don’t know.  I’m figuring that out.”
Translation: “I like to go back to sleep after the kids get on the bus.  Wake up.  Rub one out.  Throw a load of laundry in.  Check facebook.  Eat lunch.  Switch out the laundry.  Play scrabble on my phone.  Clean something.  Go shopping at Goodwill.  And then read a novel until the kids get home.”

What I say: [fingers in ears] “La la la la la la la.”
Translation: “When my fingers come out of my ears, you had better change the damn subject or I just might puke on you.”


  1. Lucas just went into 4th grade and I still haven't got a "real" job. This gig is just too good to give up without a fight. :)

  2. My daughter is in 2nd grade. I do content writing & (hypothetically) clean the house while she's at school. These things seem to involve a lot of naps on the couch, but my hubz doesn't complain, so there's that! :)