Every few days, I get an e-mail from MoveOn.org, a progressive political grassroots-y organization. For the past four years or so (not coincidentally the time since I became a mama), I have deleted most of these e-mails unread. Every so often, around big elections or really big issues, I have read an e-mail, sent in a $25 donation, signed an online petition, or used their forms to e-mail my representatives. But pretty much, I just delete them unread. If it’s not about a presidential election or gay rights, I have just not been paying attention. Like, at all.
I don’t know anything about anything anymore. A time was, I would have been marching on somewhere about whatever worker’s rights stuff has been happening in… um… Wisconsin, right? Or, um, somewhere in the middle of the country. And I know that some crazy stuff is going down in the Middle East, most recently Libya. Is Libya actually the most recent one? Is it technically even part of the Middle East? Oh man, this really is embarrassing. I don’t read the New York Times anymore, or listen to NPR. I never watched “real” news, but even Jon Stewart, my old source of news and world events, has fallen by the wayside. He’s not even on my celebrity freebie boink list anymore. I get my news from facebook now. If it’s not big enough news for my politically awake friends to post their indignation or support, I don’t know it’s happening.
I do still wake up every year or so to do my full and diligent research before voting. I will always vote. I will never vote uninformed. But I feel like I’ve hung up my “march on the man” shoes. My local election phone banking days are done. My righteous fiery ideology has faded to a lethargic molasses-slogging apathy. I still have enough “political person” identity remnants in my self-concept to know that I don’t know, and to care that I don’t care. But even those remnants are fading. Fading fast. Disappearing into the gray and murky nothing of mommy apathy.